You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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