Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
