Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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