you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
