I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
