I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
