Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
