guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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