I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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