i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
