Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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