we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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