We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
