I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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