yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
