So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
