So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
