He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she told me i tasted like america
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
