Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My room smells like vodka and shame
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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