watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
