I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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