I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
