it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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