I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
