i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
