She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize