Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
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