i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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