tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
