I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
