Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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