The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
why do cheetos always look like penises
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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