I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
