I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
