yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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