you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
