How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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