He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize