I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize