I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
