I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
