Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize