i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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