so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
