went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
