Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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