sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You're like the curious george of whores
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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