im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
