2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
