Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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