Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize