I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
