weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
