The maid of honor just puked.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Randomize
