Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
