Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
