My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
