I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize