Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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