guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
