on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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