This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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