Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
