yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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