I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize