Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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