Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
