I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
