so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
