Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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