I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
