Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
