Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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