Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
