It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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