awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
nutella sex= disaster
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
