It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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