he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
