You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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