i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
