I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i think my tv is drunk
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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