My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
