I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
