Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
