So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
