I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
