I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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