I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
