I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
