I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
