i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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