Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Pants are for mortals
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
