I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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