FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
