Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i need some magic done to my vagina
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
