i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He's on the porch naked. Help.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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