i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
