I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
