Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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