She's JV to your varsity
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
