So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Randomize
