I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
