now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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